Disclaimer: This is not to bash my ex. This is also my version of things so be mindful of that OK? Good. We're going to call him Leslie for this. Leh we start de show!
I met Leslie on the first day of school and I immediately disliked him. He was everything I hated in people. He seemed to think so highly of himself while it was obvious that he was over compensating. In other words he reminded me of the things that I hated about myself. Some thought it would be hilarious to say that we were together and that bothered me. I have always been a vicious creature and one day in my attempt to make clear to the world exactly how much I disliked him our Spanish teacher probably saw the pain and came to his defense. I called him many names and ended with 'pork chop' the teacher then turned and said "OK sparerib, enough". I was so annoyed! Not just because she gave me a name but that she gave me one matching his. I may have been many things but I was nothing like that swine.
Fast forward to the end of year 2 and I had finally entered puberty. For some people puberty is awful but for me it offered chocolate milk skin and small but perky boobs. I was excited and by the time we got to year 3 I was madly in love. We were together and happy except we were a secret.
Now girls/ladies if at any time a guy is not shouting from the rooftops that he loves you then he does not. If you are always a secret, then run. The reason Leslie kept me a secret is simply because he want to keep his options open and after an interesting event he broke it off with me and 2 weeks later started openly pursuing another girl. I hated him! See girls are sometimes extremely fickle and we tend to dream about a house and kids at 15 when guys are just wondering how far the can go tonight. If you are young and in love do not think that your relationship will stand the test of time. There are few that survive high school.
The problem with this story is that we are just getting started. While he dated that other girl I got prettier, smarter and better at being Urisha. I went to Aruba and came back with relaxed hair, I felt untouchable. I don't remember exactly what happened but I think the girl moved away and after him being a thirsty guy he finally returned to me. While my pride kept me reluctant I had never stopped loving him so I eventually gave in. To be honest I may have made changes just for him to notice me but I was resolved and I did not take any of that secrecy BS. Everyone knew that we were together and it was just how I liked it. We fought all the time because teenage boys are possessive, I equated that behavior with love but it was not. It was actually simple biology and I now know that this is how testosterone works. We would talk for hours and when I did not respond we would argue and he would become upset. However, the sex really helped. Yes I had sex in high school but we're in year six at this part of the story so it is fine. RELAX! (I'm not saying that it did not happen before year 6 because year 5 was interesting but that is another story.)
So when you get to your senior year you start making plans and while I could have studied English anywhere in the world I came to the Netherlands because he would be here. We planned how he would come visit me from Amsterdam and how our lives would be wonderful. I genuinely believe that he believed that we would build lives together but all that changed after graduation. He went to South America for two months and nearing the time that he was supposed to come to the Netherlands he broke up with me. Needless to say, I was gutted. We had been through a lot together and I had changed my life for him. I turned on my parents for him, loved him in spite of the horrid things he'd done and stayed with him when everyone told me to leave. I did not deserve this.
Coupled with homesickness and a broken heart I became extremely depressed and hardly ever ate. I began hating myself and my life but luckily my family pulled me out of a pit that they had no idea I was in. In true Leslie fashion he came back months later after I was with someone else to try to have a purely physical relationship I ran from that and it one of the best decisions I have made to date.
Today I am happy. While it takes me years to completely trust people I am no longer afraid of cutting people off. After years of making the same mistakes I understand that I am worth it and that I deserve someone who will hold my hand in public and randomly kiss my cheek. We all deserve the same things, love, peace and true joy. If your relationship does not bring you those things then please leave and be happy alone. Leslie is probably just fine today and might be even reading this. I know for a fact that he has grown up and suffers less from his fear of commitment. I wish him well in life and I will forever love him for teaching me how to guard my heart.