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June 25, 2017

Angels vs Demons: We're having twins!!!

In a recent post on interracial relationships I wrote about how I want my kids to be white like their dad.(Please read that to find out why I would say such a crazy thing.) If you were paying attention you would know that I said kids, plural. I am really excited to share this with you. My boyfriend and I are expecting twins and I already have my birthing plan. Read on to find out more.

After 37 difficult weeks the time will finally come to get these parasite-like aliens out of me and I pray that they look more human by that time because for now...

The time has come to finally bring my humans into this world and all I can do is yell at my boyfriend about how everything is going wrong and that I am too young to lose all feeling in my vagina. The rules and regulations of a hospital birth suck and so I decided to have a homebirth so everyone can witness my finest hour. Except labor has been going on for much longer than that and I am already exhausted and I am remind as to why I never wanted babies in the first place.

A family friend who happens to be a doctor came all the way to our townhouse in Rotterdam to deliver our sons. While we are grateful it is very hard to show that when he keeps violating you and calling it checking how far along you are. At a certain point and time I start losing my mind and begging everyone to get "los diablos" out of me while my boyfriend keeps rubbing my belly and calling them "angelitos". While begging for ice to soothe my burning vagina one kid pops out, Edward and while he is beautiful he is more than enough and I ask if we can reconvene tomorrow as I have no energy to continue with this labor. In true mother-in-law M shows up and some how gets baby number two out also known as Carlyle. I chose these strong Twilight names because my boyfriend insisted that the kids carry his last name, though Blake is a much nicer one.
It turns out the burning was a bad thing and that I need stitches down there. As luck would have it my brother-in-law D walks in at the wrong time and gets a view of the damage. He walks over to my bf and tells him that this is the price of fatherhood. As my anger boils my father promptly appears with a machete and punches D in the face.

While my mom is disappointed that we have two sons my father-in-law C is the happiest because we have kids to carry on his family's name. One would think that a man with three sons would be satisfied but men are from Mars.

Then I woke up on April 21st 2017 and told my bae all about what happened.

I told you all that I would write something less loaded and now I have. Also really? I have been complaining about my period all over social media. Where I get children from? You know you love me for this.