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September 14, 2016

8 Not So Simple Rules to get Over him

In the spirit of being an angry bitter bitch let's keep this thing going. How exactly do you get over a breakup, especially a bad one? Here are 8 simple (not really) rules.

1. The best way to get over one guy is to get under another one. Okay I know that sounded super sleezy and I learned this rule from Cinemax's A Girl's Guide to Depravity but listen for a second. Sleeping with a new guy is probably not the healthiest choice but putting yourself out there is. I am not telling you to go out and get in a new relationship but definitely go out with your girls looking amazing. Beat that face, put on your freakkum dress and slay! Your self-esteem will thank you.

2. Start reflecting and meditating. Listen booboo there is reason that your relationship went wrong and you were most likely a part of it. Start reflecting on your negative actions and think about how to change in the future. Then meditate! Whether you start praying or just have quiet moments with the universe this is essential. You need to be spiritually grounded in order to deal with whatever is coming next.

3. Shop with that mad money. Now this tip is not for everyone but if you got gifts go out and pawn them. you do not need them as painful reminders but that new Taraji P Henson MAC collection is not cheap. Go get your life babe!

4. Reorganize your life. If you don't, you will miss your ex and might become really tempted to call. Calling your ex is like calling Satan, why you playin' wid the devil? If you all don't have kids then cut that person off COMPLETELY. How else are you planning to move on? If you guys did movie nights on Sundays start going out to dinner with a friend in that time slot. Become too busy to notice your ex's absence.

5. Do what you couldn't before. I hate zoos I think they a cruel and that the animals are suffering. I would hope that my ex-boyfriend is in a zoo right not living it up (before being eaten by a tiger). It's time for you to do you.

6. Buy some batteries and coconut oil. If I have to explain what you need to do with these things then you're not grown up enough to be reading my blog! Go to the library and read a book.

7. You do not want to be friends with your ex as yet. If you have to unfriend, unfollow, block and delete then that is what you need to do because you are number one.

8. It is really okay to cry. You are not a robot and if in two months you feel like crying do not beat yourself up. Have some Ben and Jerry's ice cream and then jog it off. You are stronger than you know and you will be great in time.