Whose Vagina?

Warning: This will contain actual facts about the human anatomy if you can't read it...? Try really hard because you need this. ALSO this is a rant.

I am 23 years old and as I type this I realize that I am fast approaching the age which will allow me to that I have been having my period for half my life. I am not here to complain about it rather to shed some light on what I have been going through for the past month.

The female body was created, amongst other things to reproduce. Creating human life is truly a blessing but when you are my age having a human seems like a bad idea. So I am on birth control and the reasons I have chosen this method all seem stupid to me now. Unfortunately I am on a medication which cancels out oral birth control. Hooray for epilepsy! The Depo Provera injection is effective for 12-13 weeks meaning that you do not have to think about contraceptives. Over time it may stop your period altogether and that sounds like freedom. What I forgot is that hormones cause mood swings and I have been having the worst of my life. At any given moment I am likely to burst into tears or throw something in a fit of rage. This has yet to happen but what does occur is an inner battle. I find myself constantly talking down a new version of myself from a ledge. "If you throw that cup at your boyfriend's head things will not end well. You should not tell you choir director to go and ********** that behavior would be unacceptable." These conversations go on for quite some time and you begin to feel crazy. I thought that I was insane until I spoke to many other women who have suffered in the same way, but wait, there is more. The emotions were bad enough but my thirteen day period was the worst.

In the past month I have spent at least 50 euros on my uterus from the birth control injection to the feminine hygiene products, including the ones that gave me a rash from hell. Below you can enjoy this list which is most definitely inaccurate because I skipped the food that I paid for in cash.

Product	Price
Depo Provera shot	€ 23.78
o.b. ProComfort normal tampons	€ 2.19
o.b. ProComfort mini tampons	€ 2.49
Libresse Ultra Goodnight	€ 2.39
Sudocreme	€ 3.15
Always liners	€ 2.49
Chocolate in many shapes and forms	€ 20.55
Total:	€ 57.04

After reading this one may wonder why I chose to go through all of this. I mean is this all really worth it? Do I care about peace of mind that much? Birth control was first seen as a way to give women a choice but today as day four of my period ends I wonder how long it will last this time. Will I continue to bleed for two weeks only to stop and resume two weeks later? Will I want to pull out my hair and scream? Will I feel utterly alone?

 

Alone because while I am doing this for my relationship I am the only one suffering. This is the plight of many women out there. We pay for our birth control, feminine hygiene products and all of the cravings that come along with hormones. The sad thing is that we think it is our duty. I type this knowing that I am hypocrite for never actually discussing this with my partner but he will read this so I guess that it is all out there now. As women we go through more than enough for relationships that are suppose to be 50/50. Every time I hear birth control horror stories I wonder 'whose vagina is it anyway'? Every day when a young woman says that she is unfulfilled in the bedroom, or when another is pressured into an IUD because her husband does not trust the daily pill I think 'is you mek she vagina nuh'. Tonight as I contemplate what the hell I am going to do with this period I am realizing that I should give up now because until my 12 weeks are done I know my vagina is not my own.

 

XOXO,

 

IslandGyal

The Truth about Urisha

On February 26th  I tried to post and also on March 13th and yet here we are, April 16th with nothing to show for it all. So I'm writing now, not another lame apology but rather an observation because that is really all I can do right now.

I follow Jackie Aina religiously and I feel as if she's been slacking for while on her YouTube channel. I said that it probably has something to do with her boyfriend Dennis whom she's recently introduced to us but has been in her life for a while. In October I met a wonderful guy that we will call Juan and I can honestly say that this has been the best and healthiest relationship I've ever had. While I've been nurturing my relationship I've been letting a lot go and bringing some things closer to me. My love for makeup has somehow grown more than I ever imagined possible. My choir and the service that we provide has also taken a major place in my life.

I have also let some things go. Someone who I called my friend for many years has disappeared from my life. After years of forgiveness I finally said no to all of the abusive behavior. She is gone and I wish her well but simply not in my life. Also someone who claimed to love me and called me family left for reasons that are unknown to me. Yet somehow I find it hard to hurt. My relationships with other friends have all grown stronger and I have even made new ones. Which leads me to explain why I have not been writing.

I'm happy. I find it extremely difficult to write when I am in a good place. It is the saddest most morbid thing about myself. My poetry, music and writing has always come from a place of pain and despair and now that those emotions are no longer there I find it hard to share my world. Tonight I want to tell you that I am working on it and this is the first step. Stick with me and I hope to give you more content all based on a healthy place, ME.

Laters.

XOXO,

IslandGyal

8 Not So Simple Rules to get Over him

In the spirit of being an angry bitter bitch let's keep this thing going. How exactly do you get over a breakup, especially a bad one? Here are 8 simple (not really) rules.

1. The best way to get over one guy is to get under another one. Okay I know that sounded super sleezy and I learned this rule from Cinemax's A Girl's Guide to Depravity but listen for a second. Sleeping with a new guy is probably not the healthiest choice but putting yourself out there is. I am not telling you to go out and get in a new relationship but definitely go out with your girls looking amazing. Beat that face, put on your freakkum dress and slay! Your self-esteem will thank you.

2. Start reflecting and meditating. Listen booboo there is reason that your relationship went wrong and you were most likely a part of it. Start reflecting on your negative actions and think about how to change in the future. Then meditate! Whether you start praying or just have quiet moments with the universe this is essential. You need to be spiritually grounded in order to deal with whatever is coming next.

3. Shop with that mad money. Now this tip is not for everyone but if you got gifts go out and pawn them. you do not need them as painful reminders but that new Taraji P Henson MAC collection is not cheap. Go get your life babe!

4. Reorganize your life. If you don't, you will miss your ex and might become really tempted to call. Calling your ex is like calling Satan, why you playin' wid the devil? If you all don't have kids then cut that person off COMPLETELY. How else are you planning to move on? If you guys did movie nights on Sundays start going out to dinner with a friend in that time slot. Become too busy to notice your ex's absence.

5. Do what you couldn't before. I hate zoos I think they a cruel and that the animals are suffering. I would hope that my ex-boyfriend is in a zoo right not living it up (before being eaten by a tiger). It's time for you to do you.

6. Buy some batteries and coconut oil. If I have to explain what you need to do with these things then you're not grown up enough to be reading my blog! Go to the library and read a book.

7. You do not want to be friends with your ex as yet. If you have to unfriend, unfollow, block and delete then that is what you need to do because you are number one.

8. It is really okay to cry. You are not a robot and if in two months you feel like crying do not beat yourself up. Have some Ben and Jerry's ice cream and then jog it off. You are stronger than you know and you will be great in time.

XOXO,

IslandGyal

7 Signs That Your Relationship is Shit!

So continuing the bitter bitch week here are some rules on how to be smart in relationships. If you have not read Monday's post then you have missed a lot btw! #teaspilling

1. If he only talks to you late at night his intentions are bad. What exactly does this person do for a living that he's only free after 10pm? Is he out dating someone else? Has his mom or girlfriend just gone to bed? Or maybe he's keeping the conversation as short as possible. Whatever his reasons this is shady behavior!

2. You've only met his best friend. A lot of women get suckered into thinking that because they've met one of the most important people in his life that means that he is serious. NO it does not! His best friends already know what's going on in his mind and they will love him anyway. I mean think about it really well. You talk about your shit (literally) with your closest friends but not with coworkers. When he introduces you to his boss we can talk.

3. He still talks to his ex but NEVER when you are around. ''We're just friends." Cool, why won't he invite her over for dinner? Why does he think that you all won't get along? RUN!

4. He never talks about the future, or at least not one that you are in. Baby girl if he can't tell you what he wants to do for Christmas you all are not in a relationship. If he's always avoiding making plans, you're not in a relationship. Men are not planners like women but they also like to make sure that their meals will be covered and that they don't forget important shit for us to lose it on them. #justsaying
5. If the porn he watches is nothing like what you guys do in bed. This one is a bit tricky because pornography is fantasy. However, if all he ever watches is anal but never brought it up to you chances are the communication line is botched. Also if it super freaky things that you will never be into it's time to have a conversation because physical compatibility is extremely important.

6. You guys never spend the weekend together. The only way to know if you and a person are really good together is if you spend lots of time together. Spending the weekend having sex is not spending the weekend either. If you can't chill for a few days while you're on your period your relationship is a relation full of shit. Get out NOW!

This one is for my island gyals because this is 100% percent accurate, especially in small communities.

7. He says that you all do not need labels and that your love should be private. It does not matter how private a person is. If he is not willing to say that he has a girlfriend it's time to leave and do not take your time. This will not work!

I hope this was helpful and stay tuned for more of Bitter Bitch week! Laters.

XOXO,

IslandGyal

Story Time: No More Nookie! NOT FOR KIDS!!

I wondered how long it would take me to write something extremely personal. I guess tonight is as good as any. Come be fast and mind my business. Oh but this is probably not something for people who are prudish in any way.

 

So I have heard many different stories about me over the years but here is one that has never been told. It is one of how a selfish ex-whatever did not know how to love me. In the spirit of full disclosure, I should say that I am a crazy person. I enjoy controlling everything and everyone around my ex refused to be the kind of man I am used to. 

 

There are some men who leave you without an explanation and then there are the guys who want to be all sappy and shit, the sappy ones are the worst! This guy told me that he loved me multiple times during our trip to Spain. He bought me flowers -something that almost never happens in my life- and he made love to me. Now ladies there is a vast difference between making love and having sex. If you're 22 and you're not about that married with children life, I suggest you keep having (protected) sex because the love thing is a mess. ANYWAY back to the story.

Flowers from my ...whatever days before the end.

After all of the love and affection the weekend ended and as we were not living together when we got back to Holland we separated at the train station. He kissed me goodbye and we parted ways and I sat in the train thinking about how much fun I had during the weekend. Then two things happen: I am about to post a picture on Facebook with the caption 'parting is such sweet sorrow' and he sends me a message. As any love sick puppy would, I read his message first and I am shocked by his words. I think by now every woman knows that if the man you're sleeping with says "we should just keep things natural" is code for: I only want to fuck you. While that is fine in normal circumstances it's not fine when you go on trips together during an entire summer, which is what we did. It is definitely not ok when he whispers his love in your ear while making love to you. This was nothing but a hot mess.

In the end I told him that I was not ready for a relationship in that moment but I hoped to eventually move in that direction. When he said that the thought of a relationship made him nervous I did not get upset because let's be honest people be havin' issues, can't be mad at da. What I can be angry about is the deception. I can be pissed about him knowing that I was in love and still choosing to play with my heart. I can be angry about his selfish ways but I am pissed. I am livid because I knew better! I have rules that I completely disregarded for him. I compromised on my beliefs and alienated myself because of him. So this is really the price you pay for being Foolish.


XOXO,

IslandGyal

P.S. Y'all really thought I would spill all my tea on the internet? Not I said the duck! When I do decide to share my complete story like 'Why I am Cool With my High School Sweetheart' there will be names and receipts. Laters!!!