The Truth about Urisha

On February 26th  I tried to post and also on March 13th and yet here we are, April 16th with nothing to show for it all. So I'm writing now, not another lame apology but rather an observation because that is really all I can do right now.

I follow Jackie Aina religiously and I feel as if she's been slacking for while on her YouTube channel. I said that it probably has something to do with her boyfriend Dennis whom she's recently introduced to us but has been in her life for a while. In October I met a wonderful guy that we will call Juan and I can honestly say that this has been the best and healthiest relationship I've ever had. While I've been nurturing my relationship I've been letting a lot go and bringing some things closer to me. My love for makeup has somehow grown more than I ever imagined possible. My choir and the service that we provide has also taken a major place in my life.

I have also let some things go. Someone who I called my friend for many years has disappeared from my life. After years of forgiveness I finally said no to all of the abusive behavior. She is gone and I wish her well but simply not in my life. Also someone who claimed to love me and called me family left for reasons that are unknown to me. Yet somehow I find it hard to hurt. My relationships with other friends have all grown stronger and I have even made new ones. Which leads me to explain why I have not been writing.

I'm happy. I find it extremely difficult to write when I am in a good place. It is the saddest most morbid thing about myself. My poetry, music and writing has always come from a place of pain and despair and now that those emotions are no longer there I find it hard to share my world. Tonight I want to tell you that I am working on it and this is the first step. Stick with me and I hope to give you more content all based on a healthy place, ME.

Laters.

XOXO,

IslandGyal

Story Time: No More Nookie! NOT FOR KIDS!!

I wondered how long it would take me to write something extremely personal. I guess tonight is as good as any. Come be fast and mind my business. Oh but this is probably not something for people who are prudish in any way.

 

So I have heard many different stories about me over the years but here is one that has never been told. It is one of how a selfish ex-whatever did not know how to love me. In the spirit of full disclosure, I should say that I am a crazy person. I enjoy controlling everything and everyone around my ex refused to be the kind of man I am used to. 

 

There are some men who leave you without an explanation and then there are the guys who want to be all sappy and shit, the sappy ones are the worst! This guy told me that he loved me multiple times during our trip to Spain. He bought me flowers -something that almost never happens in my life- and he made love to me. Now ladies there is a vast difference between making love and having sex. If you're 22 and you're not about that married with children life, I suggest you keep having (protected) sex because the love thing is a mess. ANYWAY back to the story.

Flowers from my ...whatever days before the end.

After all of the love and affection the weekend ended and as we were not living together when we got back to Holland we separated at the train station. He kissed me goodbye and we parted ways and I sat in the train thinking about how much fun I had during the weekend. Then two things happen: I am about to post a picture on Facebook with the caption 'parting is such sweet sorrow' and he sends me a message. As any love sick puppy would, I read his message first and I am shocked by his words. I think by now every woman knows that if the man you're sleeping with says "we should just keep things natural" is code for: I only want to fuck you. While that is fine in normal circumstances it's not fine when you go on trips together during an entire summer, which is what we did. It is definitely not ok when he whispers his love in your ear while making love to you. This was nothing but a hot mess.

In the end I told him that I was not ready for a relationship in that moment but I hoped to eventually move in that direction. When he said that the thought of a relationship made him nervous I did not get upset because let's be honest people be havin' issues, can't be mad at da. What I can be angry about is the deception. I can be pissed about him knowing that I was in love and still choosing to play with my heart. I can be angry about his selfish ways but I am pissed. I am livid because I knew better! I have rules that I completely disregarded for him. I compromised on my beliefs and alienated myself because of him. So this is really the price you pay for being Foolish.


XOXO,

IslandGyal

P.S. Y'all really thought I would spill all my tea on the internet? Not I said the duck! When I do decide to share my complete story like 'Why I am Cool With my High School Sweetheart' there will be names and receipts. Laters!!!